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Comments

Neil

After reading this, I will never look at another person on public transportation again.

girlanddog

Your post made my skin crawl...

Churlita

I am really good at the public trasnportation stare. My mantra is "mustnotestablisheyecontact". It keeps the face lickers away.

Alison

Last time I rode the train in Chicago, I sat next to a guy who wore two different colors of Old Navy flip-flops. His toenails were painted silver.

I was kind of impressed.

Moose

Girl with the mittens and the nose? Awesome. As is the whole post, really. But I feel fixated on the mittens and the nose-grabbing at the moment.

deezee

Facelickers? Can I sit in on your therapy sessions?

You had me laughing out loud as I read this in a public cafe. How profoundly ironic is that? Do you think those beside me were concerned?

Mist 1

I don't take public transportation since the unfortunate suicide/labor and delivery/vomiting episode of 2006.

Work in Progress

Holy cow that was a funny post. I ended up here through some random link clicking and I'm glad I did. Amusing post...thanks for the laugh.

Cover Your Mouth

Yes, Deezee, you can if you'll agree to pay half.

margaret

just how big was this nose?

The Daily Rant

Great post. It reminded me of when, just a few weeks ago, I was sitting in the cafe at a Barnes and Noble in Dallas and kept hearing this noise. Sort of like a chuckle, but not. At first, I was thinking, "what the f**k IS that?" I'd look around, but couldn't find where it was coming from. I'd go back to reading my magazine. Then I'd hear it again. A creepy giggle. I was wondering, "is it in the music they're playing on the in-house system and I just keep hearing snippets of something?"

Back to the magazine. This must have gone on for at least 8 or 9 times, each time with me looking like a moron cocking my head to figure out where the sound was coming from.

I finally located the sound. Talk about CREEPY. This skinny guy, reading a COMIC BOOK (mind you, he was like 30) and carrying a skateboard (when he was clearly past the cool skater dude age), with long, stringy, greasy black hair and patchy facial growth was where the sound came from.

He appeared to have not bathed for some time, but the part that skeeved me out the most? His fingernails. He had long (like in a Dracula movie long)translucent nails that came to points.

He finally left, probably to suck blood or something, but it just makes you wonder about some people and how they veer so far from normal. Yeah, yeah, I know "what's normal?" and all that - but I can tell you one thing - THAT was not anywhere close to normal.

And since you take public transportation, you obviously know what I mean. And yeah, the pink mitten thing - FUNNY.

Alli

I've had my neck licked. Of course, it was just after he asked if I'd give him a blow job in the bathroom, and right before I freaking yelled for security.

Now, I practice "mustnotestablisheyecontact" too. (It really is a great strategy, girlanddog!)

Of course, now I'm worried about laughers and lickers.

Cover Your Mouth

See? I knew this face-licking stranger thing was not some sort of paranoid delusion. IT HAPPENS!

Now if someone tells me that they once did actually find a man hiding under their bed while checking for the second time before turning in for the night, I can also cross that off the list of Preoccupations That Might Mean I Am: a) Irrational and Paranoid or b) Admirably Vigilant.

Killer

I don't see what is so bad about licking people on the subway. I always thought it was a nice ice breaker, and a good way to judge someone's personal hygiene. If it bugs everyone so much, I'll cut back.
Great post, you deserve a lick.

Alli

You must have seen the horror movie with this plot:

Serial killer breaks into house. Kills dog. Girl goes to sleep, reaches down to pet dog who always sleeps under her bed. Always licks her hand.

And then the serial killer licks her hand. Just like the dog normally would do.

Then, she looks in the mirror and sees...the serial killer.

Horror ensues.

Honestly, ruined me for life.

wordgirl

He's probably laughing at the voices in his head. You know how hilarious those auditory hallucinations can be.

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